Bed Bug Sniffing Dog
The Smoked Salmon had a bed bug sniffing dog come to the apartment, not because we had been bitten by bed bugs, but because we stayed in a beach house that she suspected of bed bugs based on no one having received bites or even seen a bug. The bed bug sniffing dog, who I’m told is called Ruby, came to the apartment, sniffed around, and sat in the corner near the bed. Ruby’s Partner, a human, declared that Ruby had found bed bugs and we needed to pay him $1,500 to exterminate the pests. Sitting equals a positive diagnosis, I was told. Oh and it would be $325 for Ruby’s services up to that point. “But where are the bugs?” I asked. “Can’t Ruby find and actual insect to confirm his diagnosis?” Ruby’s Partner assured me that further investigation was unnecessary and any further hesitation on my part put my family at great risk. “So you want me to give you $1,500 based on the recommendation of a dog?”
I got Ruby and the Partner out of the apartment with only the $325. We’ve thrown out our bed and are working on a compromise.
World Cup Update
I’m loving the World Cup. But, as an American unfamiliar with the culture of professional soccer, I am left with some unanswered questions. Why is the refereeing so bad? Why do so many players sport the faux-hawk? Why are they introduced with their S. African boyfriends and girlfriends?
Greatful Dead: Logical Inconsitancies Found
I believe elements of the song “Uncle John’s Band” don’t make sense, and worse, are logically inconsistent. The Smoked Salmon was listening to the song this morning and that’s when I noticed the lyrics: “Come hear Uncle John’s Band by the riverside. Got some things to talk about, here beside the rising tide.” Riverside? Rising tide? Is the band playing near a river or the ocean? Rivers don’t have tides unless you’re in some brackish part. We’re going to get a man on this… The East River has tides but it’s not a true river.
BFC World Cup Preview
Rule 1. If you’re American, then root for America. I don’t care where your grandma lives, or where you cousin was born. If you talk like an American, you’re an American and should support your team in international competition as such. If you need clarification on this point, move back to the ancestral country for a while. The people in the ancestral homeland will call you a name that translates back into American English as, “American guy.”
Corollary to rule 1: the converse is not true. If you do not have an American accent, but you would like to support America, and/or be an American, then go for it.
I’m about to watch USA v. England with a bunch of English people. I’m going all out American chauvinism. There is no “go USA, despite the fact I didn’t support our foreign policy in the Bush years.” That’s what the British expect from liberal Americans, and they’ll verbally pick you apart for it. We can’t beat them at their own game, and by their game I mean being a freedom hating wuss. It’s fried chicken and freedom fries for me baby! The only reason I’m watchin this damm sport is cuz it’s cloudy. Cuz when the suns out, guns out, that’s what I say. I’d rather be killin’ defenseless animals! U. S. A!
I’m not advising you on how to vote here. I’m suggesting a character to pick up when you need to hold your own at a bar full of Brits. I’m going to be in Brooklyn, but still out numbered. I’m going red blooded, redneck. The further I take it, the more ironic it will be (everyone knows that deep down I’m a freedom hating wus too). Most Englishmen have never actually met a conservative american despite spending all their time hating on the stereotype. They’ll be caught off guard and flummoxed. Then ask them it they’d like to kill anymore pelicans with their oil. After all, a man doesn’t go to a sporting event at a bar to make friends.
That said, in the event American is eliminated from competition, I’m going to cheer for England. And that’s not because I have English blood, it’s because as a scientist, I want England to win to set off a natural experiment on how drunk a country can get.
RAW promo
FYI: I’m willing to go on Monday Night RAW to cross platform promote EP, BFC, and pro-Wrestling. I would be following Jeremy Piven and other clever self-promoters in this endeavor.
Anti Arizona, Pro Basketball
Back story: We tried to make an interactive map showing the BP oil spill engulfing (pun intended) the gulf around New Orleans. In the time it took to gather some resources including a mapping pro who works at ESRI, the mapping software company, it became clear we were scooped. The nytimes, the bbc, and various other media outlets had awesome maps as soon as the first drops of oil seeped out of the Haliburton/BP oil rig monster, and we were far behind.
Try to scoop me on this Grey Lady: selling Los Suns jerseys.
The Phoenix Suns basketball team are wearing Los Suns uniforms tonight in their playoff game against the San Antonio Spurs. They added the ‘Los’ to protest the shitty Arizona immigration law. It’s an awesome move by the Suns. Their star player Steve Nash came out with some great anti-law, pro-immigrant statements as well.
I’d buy and wear a Los Suns jersey. So there it is. You heard it here first. Wearing a Los Suns jersey. (We don’t sell them at BFC; we simply originated the idea of wearing them.) Moreover, I share a first name and a haircut with Steve Nash–not to mention an unselfish attitude on the court.
Oil Spill: The Other Shoe
Guess who caused the Gulf Oil spill? It’s Haliburton!
And the nobel goes to…
Why aren’t Nobel Prizes given away in front of a live audience of members of the Nobel community in black ties? They should make it like the Oscars.
Amazing Dunk by Deer Man
Check out his amazing dunk by the Buckman.
Religious Iconography Spotted at Dunkin Donuts
I spotted a strange alliance between fast food restaurant and organized religion. Personally, I believe in strong separation between Church and doughnut. How do you feel about these images? Note the Dunkin Donuts box near the Jesus Baby and dude.
JHSPH becomes JHBSPH, or does it?
When the Johns Hopkins School of Public Health got a bizzilian dollars from Micheal Bloomberg, it took on the moniker the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health (JHBSPH). The uptake of the “B” has been slow–for instance email address are just @jhsph.edu. Beyond the awkwardness of inserting the initial of a large donor after the initials of another large donor, I think some of the resistance has to do with the simultaneously adopted slogan “saving lives millions at a time.” It was hard for scientists to warm up to a motto so objectively false.
I’d like to purpose a new slogan that clears all this up. It’s honest and to the point: The Johns Hopkins BLOOMBERG School of Public Health: We’re Well Endowed.
2nd Amendment March in DC
I don’t see this getting out of hand… http://www.secondamendmentmarch.com/
Get Behind This:
