Kevin Barischoolteacher’s recipe for BariSuitcase Dip
Recently, during Ethan’s visit from New York City, we were playing frisbee golf with our friends Kevin Barischoolteacher and Vince. As we were leaving Golden Gate Park, Kevin was nice enough to share a secret recipe with us. BariSuitcase Dip is a special two-layer concoction that’s sure to be the hit of any dinner party or summer BBQ. Here’s how you make it:
- Set out one vintage, plaid, vinyl suitcase (ideally procured at a yard sale in Santa Cruz).
- Visit a supermarket and pack the suitcase full of new groceries. The grocery assortment may vary, but be sure to include our recipe’s most important ingredients: salsa, hummus, and tortilla chips.
- Place the packed suitcase on the roof of a car.
- Accelerate car to between 30 and 40 mph, leaving centrifugal force to remove the suitcase from the car’s roof.
- Listen for the thud of the suitcase hitting the pavement and then stop the car. Retrieve the suitcase and open its top.
If the recipe was followed closely, the salsa lid should have been forcefully removed upon impact and its contents should have poured completely out of the jar. It will look as if someone has taken a spatula to the glass jar to remove its contents. This may seem freaky weird and kind of phenomenal, but it’s okay. You’ll find the hummus container has been completely broken open, and its contents should now be mixed perfectly with the salsa. You’ll find that all the other accessory ingredients of the suitcase will be unopened, retaining the subtle deliciousness of the creation: BariSuitcase Dip! Crack open those tortilla chips and ENJOY!
Note: Glass shards or exploded plastics bits may occur. EP is not responsible for bodily harm thought to be caused by this recipe.
